I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
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You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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