You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
