Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
