I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
