we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
