the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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