3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
