I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The adults are the big ones right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
