I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
