I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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