are you still at the devil's house?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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