just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
