Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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