I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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