Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
