is your mom at the bar?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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