I wish I only lived at night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
