The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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