i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
