I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
