You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
