Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
