Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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