oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
