weddingsv make me drug and hornr
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he thought i was a dude.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
