So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
