no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
