i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
