I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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