Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
