oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
