I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
