the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
