I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
