Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize