Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
