there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
