um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
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Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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