what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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