Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just puked most of my soul out..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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