i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
