i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
