we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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