You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
