Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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