She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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