Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
