it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
