eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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