It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
