Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
