I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
