Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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