And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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