Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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