I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
