i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
