my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
