Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
