I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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