We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
