Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
