That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
