Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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