Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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